character sketch

This one is an introduction to a character I have some ideas for.  In the scene I originally wanted to show her intrigued by the swingers club. I had wanted to show her date's behavior as a turning point in her feelings. I had a hard time describing what might be a sexy or appealing swingers club. Thus it came off as as a completely sour experience. I'm still intrigued by the erotic experience that is going well and takes a wrong turn. Please, add comments...



I walked into the door and instantly wanted to leave. I did not have any idea I would be so overdressed. Jeremy invited me to what he called a special party. He gave me an address. He said to dress sexy and he told me to meet him there at around 10pm.
The cab driver sped away as soon as I stepped out, leaving me on a deserted cobblestone street in the meatpacking district. There was one giant wrestler type in a suit talking on a cell phone and loitering in front of the address I was given. The conspicuous bouncer.
“Welcome Miss, are you meeting someone?” he bellowed.
“Oh yes. My friend....”
“I need a name”
“Jeremy Smith”
He knocked twice and opened the door and gestured inside. I stepped in and he closed the door behind me. I was standing in a hallway of doors all of the doors were grey except for towards the end that door was red. I just stood there for a while. Imagining what might happen in the next few hours. Eventually Jeremy walked out of the red door. When he opened it I could hear the thumping bass of 90’s nightclub music. He walked down the hall laughing.
“Don’t just stand out here silly, you’ll miss all the fun.”
He kissed my cheek, took my hand and dragged me down the hall and inside the red door. The first room we were in was sort of a coat check. A pretty young girl with a models body checked my purse and coat. Then she asked if that was all I was checking.
“For now” Jeremy said.
“What?” I screeched, revealing how completely unnerved I was.
He held my hand and walked me thru a series of colored silky curtains. We entered into an open loft apartment space with a visible kitchen area. Here the music was loud and there were colored lights. The room had no furniture. Just a little DJ stand in one corner. The kitchen area had about a dozen people standing around the counter area drinking and smoking. Smoking a lot. One of the men was wearing a fluffy pink robe. As we got closer I saw two of the women were completely naked. One had on a pair of thigh high black patent leather boots. I sort of tugged back on Jeremy’s arm as we got closer. He stopped and turned to me. He said something that I couldn’t hear at all and kissed me on the cheek. He pulled me over to the kitchen area. He handed me a glass of champagne.
I surveyed the crowd. It seemed to be mostly couples the two naked women were a triplet with the guy in the robe. Everyone turned inspected me, with varying degrees of approval. Jeremy stood behind me and started sort of dancing to the music. Not actually dancing more bending his knees and thrusting his hips against me in time with the beat. It was really annoying and creepy. Then he latched on to me and started groping my breasts.
“What the fuck is this!?!” I screamed, loud enough for everyone to hear. And ripped his hands off of me.
“Aww baby, I just want to play..” He used a bad fake accent.
“I’m ready to leave” I looked at the other people at the party. I fought back my anger and disgust. I shot them all a cruel look. I wanted them to know I thought they scum. I wanted them to feel dirty and bad.
Then I left, and brought Jeremy with me. Well I brought Jeremy with me as far as the door and thru my wait for the cab. I got in the cab alone. Jeremy I hope I never see again.